RECRIMINATIONS AND HOW NOT TO RESPOND TO THEM

MONDAY 2ND NOVEMBER


[I'm having to put the date at the top, didn't realise draft posts would display the date of publication rather than the date I wrote them!]

Today was awful.

I'm used to Mum blaming me for things, even taking her money, but until today I'd managed to let it blow over and move on to something else. She doesn't remember doing it, and no-one else but us is here- so its perfectly rational for her to assume that I did it.

But today I let it spiral out of control.

I was drowsy, having just emerged from bed, Mum was getting ready to go shopping. All she really needed to was to get some more money from the little stash beside her bed (note to any burglars reading this: we have now abandoned this system).

But today wouldn't let me into her room at all, and was accusing me of stealing from her.

On the other hand she couldn't get the money alone. As soon as she went into the bedroom she would forget either where she was supposed to be looking, what she was looking for , or both. I don't know, she closed the door.

I tried to get her to have a cup of tea, hoping that she would calm down and forget all about it, but she was absolutely committed to shopping, and to not letting me into her room to look for the money.

In desperation I tried to lend her a twenty. To which she said:

"Thats mine, I recognise it".

"They all look the same, Mum. Nobody has taken them from you.Yout money is in the draw by the bed" [just a quick reminder for burglars - not genuine Robin Hood characters, if there are any left - but those who like stealing from poor defenceless old ladies: we no longer keep any money in the draw beside the bed, only used hankies!]

She still wouldn't let me into her bedroom (not usually a problem at all), or change her mind about going shopping, yet she was incapable of going into her room alone and finding the money. Her mind was too turbulent from the wave of irrational recriminations to perform this simple task, yet nothing would distract her from the desire to go shopping. I could not help myself, I burst into tears.

Eventually she agreed to bring the draw from the bedroom into my room, her money was there at the back, wrapped In used tissues and sealed with elastic bands.

Mum vistted Local-sister on the way there or back, and when she returned with the shopping she was very apologetic and loving, and the rest of the day was lovely, she helped me organise my writing and I felt a lot better, though there was still well of tears inside that I had to hide.