14:40 pm
The well of tears is still lurking somewhere in my near unconscious, and I don't have a single should to cry on.
Since my last report - when Mum was acccusing me of stealing and wouldn't let me into her room - I have only seen a happy, coping Mum. This has reassured me and helped me maintain a generally collected exterior for her benefit, and I have genuinely enjoyed the time we have spent together, getting her to help with putting my work into folders and watching TV.
But I am going to have to get up the same time as her every day (even if I go back to bed) - she can no longer get ready for the shops on her own, and when I don't Local-sister has to pick up the pieces. The incidence of this complete inability to cope in the mornings coincides with the beginning of the Mirtzapine anti-depressant, but any assumptions about whether this is exacerbating
Last night I did stay up 'til one, I'd just moved my shelves over from my sister's, and I was enjoying it feeling a bit more like home, though I am far too depressed to work.
The night before though I went to bed at 7pm and got up at 9am, then went back to bed once Mum was out at the shops. The night before that I went to bed at 7pm and got up at 11am. When I am depressed I 'hibernate', all I can think about is wanting to go back to bed.
The doctor prescribed me anti-depressants today but I have decided not to take them. I know plenty of drugs that work without getting hooked on some dodgy pharmaceutical company's next big thing . Doesn't even sound life they have interesting side effects like Mum's. Fuck them, I don't want them.
Goodnight (the time is 6.49pm)
Since my last report - when Mum was acccusing me of stealing and wouldn't let me into her room - I have only seen a happy, coping Mum. This has reassured me and helped me maintain a generally collected exterior for her benefit, and I have genuinely enjoyed the time we have spent together, getting her to help with putting my work into folders and watching TV.
But I am going to have to get up the same time as her every day (even if I go back to bed) - she can no longer get ready for the shops on her own, and when I don't Local-sister has to pick up the pieces. The incidence of this complete inability to cope in the mornings coincides with the beginning of the Mirtzapine anti-depressant, but any assumptions about whether this is exacerbating
Last night I did stay up 'til one, I'd just moved my shelves over from my sister's, and I was enjoying it feeling a bit more like home, though I am far too depressed to work.
The night before though I went to bed at 7pm and got up at 9am, then went back to bed once Mum was out at the shops. The night before that I went to bed at 7pm and got up at 11am. When I am depressed I 'hibernate', all I can think about is wanting to go back to bed.
The doctor prescribed me anti-depressants today but I have decided not to take them. I know plenty of drugs that work without getting hooked on some dodgy pharmaceutical company's next big thing . Doesn't even sound life they have interesting side effects like Mum's. Fuck them, I don't want them.
Goodnight (the time is 6.49pm)
No comments:
Post a Comment